Happy New Year! Fresh off a family-filled Holiday travel bonanza to/from Texas, I'm regrouping and looking to the year ahead. 365 days, 365 opportunities to improve my life.
I'm happy to kiss 2013 goodbye, but in harmony with my spirituality, have immense gratitude for all its lessons. I don't want to dwell on those things anymore, so I won't rehash them. I'm just happy for the opportunity to move forward. Oh—and by the way—I'm really proud of myself for achieving my (one and only) goal in 2013—moving from California to Tennessee. I'm so glad I did it.
While New Year's Resolutions are cliché (and the concept of dates illusionary), I embrace any opportunity to start fresh (and make lists. This girl lives for lists).
I don't remember the last time I made a New Year's Resolution. I definitely skipped the last few years. Anyway, not quite resolutions, these are more like goals—goals I hope to achieve in 2014:
0. Get my stuff back!
This is #0 because it's not in my control. Call it a preface if you will. All my stuff is still awaiting closure and release by the courts of New Jersey. All contacts claim there will be a resolution this month (it's about time!) so I'm really looking forward to finally seeing my stuff again.
1. Remove crap from my diet, for God's sake
You know what? You can be the smartest, most versed person on food allergies, pro-inflammatory foods, and leaky gut syndrome, but unless you apply your knowledge to your lifestyle, there's no use in that knowledge. My diet is my #1 weakness. It always has been. This year, the gluten and cow's milk have got to go. I've done short-term gluten- and milk-free diets in the past, and noticed mild to moderate results, but I always lacked the sticktoitiveness. I know they cause inflammation, so why do I eat them? The convenience? Do I really not have the free time to make food from scratch? I'm already on a mold-free (no cheese, no mushrooms) and nutrition-dense (daily greens) diet, but it's the cow's milk and gluten that have the honorary badge of keeping my snot-gates open and my commitment to Kleenex in tact. It's time for an annulment. I'm so beyond over phlegm.
2. Be patient
I'm the least patient person I know. I'm antsy, impulsive, and rush through things. I give up easily, and I seek thrills like nobody's business. It's time I settle down, focus, pay attention, and discipline myself. A little less of the hyperactive gypsy thing and a little more of the grownup thing. On a related note: See #1 above.
3. Get off Cymbalta
I hate that I have to take an SSRI. I've been on either Paxil, Lexapro, Celexa, or Cymbalta continuously for, umm, twelve years? Thirteen years? I generally defend this drug dependence with one of the following: "My neurotransmitters are really damaged from neuro-Lyme" or "Quitting is impossible". Umm, yes, and no. Yes, withdrawal is the worst form of torture I've known, but the Cymbalta is not good for me, and I always muscle test poorly to it. I've fantasized about going off it for years, and consulted with several psychiatrists about this. Now I know what I need to do—taper very (very!) slowly, and add neurotransmitter support as I go along. I'm absolutely terrified of the withdrawal, but if it becomes absolutely necessary, I can just slightly increase the dose until the feeling passes. Come hell or high water, I'm getting off this poison in 2014.
4. Stop dwelling on the past
I waste an exorbitant amount of time missing or longing for things or people. I also hold onto painful woe-is-me memories like bacteria on a sponge. Yes, people have caused me pain, and yes, I have been struggling for an insanely, ridiculously long time now over something that happened early last year—but I'm done crying about it. Praise Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed, I'm finally starting to see the light. This year I'm going to make an extra effort to push such thoughts out of my mind and embrace the beauty of now.
5. Read the whole stack of books I bought in 2013
I really like to buy books and then not read them. So I've placed a temporary moratorium on buying books until I finish the nine books on my bed stand.
6. Volunteer and/or work part-time outside of my house
Working from home on graphics does not support my ongoing effort to get out more, so I'm actively looking for opportunities to have more human interaction. I've already begun a dialogue with a woman at the East Tennessee Historical Society, which is accepting volunteers. I know my health isn't exactly stable yet, but I can't keep waiting around for it to get stable enough (what is stable enough, anyway?). If I'm a volunteer, they can't fire me. Ha! And if they like me, and if I get better, maybe they'll hire me part-time. It's a win-win opportunity, methinks.
7. Get another cat
Another cat?! This is actually a selfless endeavor. Okay, maybe it's a wee bit selfish. But Ocey and Juju, who are not bonded with each other, really miss Tiggy, who bonded with both of them. Ocey is especially in need of another cat to mother. The poor girl previously devoted her life to grooming and cuddling with Tiggy, but sadly, Juju won't let her. Now Ocey insists on licking and sleeping on my arm/hand at night, which is cute but not conducive to sleep, and she has separation anxiety whenever I leave. I hope to find a feline-friendly kitty that Ocey can spend all day licking and cuddling!
8. Fall in (requited) love
Don't roll your eyes! It may sound cheesy, and I know it can't be forced, but I am trying to manifest love for myself this year! In 2014 I will hit the five-year anniversary of the last time I called any man my boyfriend, not to mention the last time I was in love with somebody who loved me back... five years!! I promise I'm not in a rush (clearly, ha), and I won't settle (duh). But I'm manifesting this—I am! This is going to be the year I find Mr. Right. I feel it on the horizon!! It's my time.